My favorite Google searches that have pulled up my blog:

"a day in the life of a mortician"
"crazy drunk sex"
"el lamo"

I have a life!

I said goodbye to this sweet 'ole blog a looooong time ago. Since then, I have gotten married (October 2010), graduated in (December 2011... only 1 semester late!), & moved on with my life. I originally made this blog private after I took a leave of absense from school, but I've been thinking that maybe, just maybe someone might like to read it one day.

Enjoy, kiddos! And any of you nursing school folks, you can do it.

Bye bye birdy

Due to the mental health issues, I am taking a semester off of school, hence no more crazynursingstudent. (not that I've been blogging anyway).

Bye bye birdy.

I feel crazy.

I feel like a lost cause.

I feel like I will never be whole again.

I feel f*cked up.

Panic attacks. They are consuming me. 7 in in the last week.

2 were today.

They keep getting worse and worse and worse.

Doc gave me Xanax. It calms me for an hour, but the panic attacks still come, interfering with my work and social/family life.

I think no one understands me.

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It's truely hell.

Today, I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for my fiance and my families health.

I am humbled by what I saw today.

Today, at the hospital, I met a woman in her early twenties with two adorably rambunctious children. Her husband is in the hospital with cancer. You can look at him and know he has cancer. He is in his early twenties as well, but he looks about fourty because he is so sick. They are such a sweet family. Because I am soon to be married, it made me feel even more for that family. That could be me, or someone I know. These are the things people don't dare dream about when they say "I do". I cannot imagine what the wife is feeling, knowing that she has to care for her sick husband and young children. I cannot imagine being the husband and feeling the weight of cancer and providing for a family, wondering how your loved ones will manage if you don't make it.

Oh, my heart breaks for them.

It's okay...
...to not take summer classes for once
...to be really freaked out by the "processed meat" in dog food/treats
...to be freaked out by man-boobs
...to not care if half of your family doesn't attend your wedding
...to not be surprised when your best friend tells you she's bisexual
...to miss not getting blog comments, even though your rarely blog
...to pretend to be sleeping when your fiance annoyingly grinds on your bum early in the morning
...to giggle in your head when your fiance steps in dog poop
...to stall out 10,000 times while trying to learn not to drive a 5 speed
...to have senioritis when you're a junior

How I spent my first day of summer

I spent my first and probably last day of summer break taking maternity pictures, which happen to be my absolute favorite to shoot. It must be the aspiring midwife in me, but I am so in love with pregnant women. They are absolutely captivating! I hope you enjoy this little peek of how I spent my day.

PS: The last 2 photos show some nudity, so if you're not cool with viewing what mother nature gave us, avert your eyes!

I absolutely adore this picture. I love the blissful expression on this proud momma's face. It's like she is basking in the beauty of blossoming motherhood. Pregnancy is truely captivating.

Bad idea

It's probably a bad idea to drink water out of glass with kitty litter in the bottom of it, even if you just poured it. It probably means the sweet little kitties had their paws in your water when you turned your back, which is just gross.

Unless you want the whole world to know that you look homeless when you get off work and take happy pills, it's probably a bad idea to go pick up your medication from CVS after getting off work from midnight shift before you've had sleep, a shower, and proper teeth brushing. Especially when you graduated with the pharmacy tech. You know it's a bad sign when he saw you on campus the other day and doesn't recognize you now.

It's probably a bad idea to go to Starbucks and order anything but ice water when the good barista is not working.

It's probably a bad idea to have coffee and chocolate for breakfast, even if it is finals week.

It's probably a bad idea to not pee before a final exam, especially when there's 70+ questions and you realize that you have to go right now or you're going to pee yourself. Only problem: no restroom breaks allowed or it's considered "cheating".

It's probably a bad idea to call up your fiance's cousin and tell her that you could care less if she came to the wedding, unless you want the entire side of his family to hate you before you've even gotten hitched.

Dear finals,

Please suck it.

Thanks,

crazynursingstudent

Wedding complaints

Our wedding is 5 months away, and I am already having to write dumb, petty letters like this. Already, I have had to deal with my fair share of complains from the peanut gallery/family. I have a "friend" who hasn't spoken to me since January when she found out she wasn't one of my bridesmaids. I have an uncle who is protesting the wedding because he doesn't want to drive 5 hours to the beach. And now my fiance's cousin is throwing a 40 year old temper tantrum because her 11 year old daughter is not a flower girl. She is currently making a huge scene, refusing to go on our annual family vacation together and says they will not be attending the wedding.

Good. It's all about me and my fiance that day anyway. I just as happy if 2 people show up as I would be if 200 showed up. In my mind, I figure if you care about us enough, you'll be there.

Actually, I think my fiance and I are thinking about just eloping in Vegas and maybe joining the cirucus.

Our bedroom

We've been working on our house on the weekends, trying to get everything ready before my fiance moves in the first week of August. We've gotten the upstairs of the house painted and yesterday we starting putting our bedroom together. I am really excited with how it's turning out.

We got our bed from Ikea. Since our house is A-frame, we had to get a bed that's low to the ground. We went with the Malm style in birch. We also got matching nightstands for either side of the bed. This isn't our room and our bed is lighter than this, but this is how it looks put together.

We got this color.

Here's a crappy picture I took on my phone of our room so far. Sorry it's not the best, but our room is small so it's hard to get a good angle. We don't have our mattress yet, so what you see is the slats on the bed.

The writing on the wall is a vinyl decal that says, "Honeymoon Hideaway". That's what my mom started calling our little cabin in the woods after she visited the first time, because that's exactly what it looks and feels like. Our house is a tiny little cabin in the middle of nowhere. It's cozy and romatic, and I love it.

Almost there

I didn't tell anyone except my fiance, but I failed my comprehsive ATI test, along with half of my class.

I was so upset. It was the first ATI I've ever gotten lower than a level 2 on. In order to pass my course, I have to pass the ATI on the 2nd try.

Today, I passed. I am so happy to be nearly done with Medsurg altogether. It's been 3 semesters of stress, and I have a feeling things will be so much easier once I am done with it. There's 1 clinical and a final exam between freedom!

Next year:

OB, pediatrics, and marriage!

It's going to be a good semester. I can feel it.

The tattoo

I got a tattoo on Friday. I was scared to death, but I survived. It wasn't bad at all, actually.

Here's the story:

2 years ago in October, my maternal grandmother underwent open heart surgery. Soon after the surgery, she got more sick that anticipated. She was in the ICU on a ventilator for a month, as opposed to the typical 2 days. She was unconscious for most of that month, and every doctor, nurse, and family member thought we would lose her. I spent almost every night in the ICU waiting room, just wanting to be near if something happened. Looking for ways to encourage her, I put Finding Nemo window clings on the window in her hospital room to remind her to "just keep swimming". She has them hanging on her bathroom mirror at home now. After she was well enough to leave the ICU, we watched Finding Nemo on my laptop together.

If you can't tell, my granny and I are super close. Out of all the people in my family, I am most like her. She is the glue that holds my family together. Her quirky and sweet spirit holds a special place in my heart, and my life is so much better with her in it. Ever since she got sick, I never take a moment with her for granted. Not a phone call, not a note in the mail, not a hug, not a time when she calls me her "peach", not a call reminding me "it's only 12 days til your birthday!".

In getting this tattoo, I wanted to celebrate the moments that we've gotten to share together, and to have a piece of her with me always.  I'll never forget the twinkle in her eye and the smile on her face as we walked into the tattoo parlor with her wearing her infamous fanny pack and a bright orange top with neon purple sandles. The only thing better was adding the neon green bandage to the colorful attire. It was hilarious to see my grandparents in a tattoo parlor surrounded by grungy, tattooed and dreadlocked men playing Metallica on the radio. We got Nemo tattooed on our right legs, right above the ankle. It's one of my best memories, and we both love it.

Happy Earth Day from around my house

Nature is beautiful. Enjoy it, and enjoy these. They make me happy.

Stream of consciousness

I have so many things to do in the next 2 weeks.
I am going crazy.
I sincerely hope I don't have a panic attack today. I feel one brewing, but I am trying to keep calm.
I wish the wind and rain would go away.
I am getting a tattoo tomorrow.
I will blog about that later.
I am taking senior pictures tomorrow.
I graduate in 1 year.
I can't wait.
My parents are sick.
So is my fiance.
My cat is cute.
Earth day annoys me.
I don't see why people only pay attention to the Earth one day a year. They should do it all the time.
Being Earth-friendly saves a lot of money. I like saving money. I like the Earth. It's a win-win.
I learned how to drive a 5 speed.
My fiance is so proud of me.
I am too.
I will beat this semester.
I am determinted.
Ish.

Surprise honey, I'm gay!

No, not me. It's someone else.

Today I learned that Makeup Girl's boyfriend is gay. She doesn't know this.

Apparently they haven't slept together in over a year, and I always thought that was odd because they are quite the hot young couple. I mean, she is an attractive girl (minus all the ridiculous makeup), and he is a handsome baseball star at our school. I remember her talking about how she had to beg him to sleep with her whenever they actually did.

It was always a funny situation, but I didn't think anything of it until I heard something today.

One of my good friends found out that Makeup Girl's boyfriend has been getting sexed by a dance major dude.

Sorry, Makeup Girl. Will you get over yourself now?

(PS. I kinda sorta feel a little bad for her, because she is totally head over heels for this guy even though he's SO not into her, obviously, but karma sucks you know...)

Whale concert

Whale concert.

That was the subject of an e-mail I just recieving in my school e-mail inbox.

"Whale concert. Tickets on sale now!"

I am so confused.

The perfect day

Yesterday 1900: Arrive home after going, going, going since 0730 with a headache after almost having a panic attack during an exam.

2130: Convince myself to go to bed after popping 3 Advil, a Percocet, and an ice pack for the knife stabbing in my head.

Today: 0530: Wake up with the same headache. And my period. Shove Advil in my mouth and grab a granola bar. And 3 pieces of chocolate.

0600: Drive to clinical. Realize I forgot my coffee cup on top of my car. Remembered my happy pill, however.

0630: Arrive at clinical wearing mismatched socks and underwear inside out.

0645: Arrive on orthopaedic floor. Realize that I forgot my stethoscope in my car.

0700: Take my patient's pulse. Realize that my watch battery died.

0830: Have a wonderful conversation with my patient about the unemployment extension.

0900: Assisted my patient with a sponge bath.

0915: Squat on the floor to help my patient put her Ted hose back on. Split the crotch in my scrub pants.

1100: Forget to write my nursing note on my patients. Proceed to get fussed at by my professor.

1101: Write nursing notes.

1230: Realize I forgot my lunch.

1231: Drive to Subway.

1232: Attempt to listen to "Rest and Relaxation" CD in the car on the way home.

1235: Get cut off by a fellow driver.

1400: Crawl in bed for a few hours before work.

1600: Wake up in a cold sweat while my head pounds. Think about calling into work and/or beating my head against a wall.

1605: Pop 3 more Advil. Eat more chocolate. Coax myself back to sleep.

1800: Attempt to get out of bed and ready for work.

1801: Reset alarm.

1825: Get ready for work.

1845: Drive to work.

2100: See one of my professors working night shift. Beg her for some Ibuprofen. She gives me 4. Gosh I love her.

It's currently 9:48 pm. I am on my break at work.

Only 5 hours and 12 minutes to go.

**************************

So, my day seems pretty sucktacular, but, it actually turned out to be wonderful.

The ex-boyfriend who works at Walmart? I saw him on my way to work driving a red station-wagon. Totally makes up for it.

Oh, and this super sweet text from my fiance:

"Baby, please don't fall asleep tonight at work and if you need me, call me. Thank you for working the suck stift [night shift] to get us more money."

I really do love my life.

Oh, the possibilities

I was talking to my neurologist the other day, and he was telling me that his wife was a lay midwife (a midwife with no license). He suggested that I get in touch with her and maybe I can spend a week during the summer shadowing, which I would totally love because  I didn't have the best experience last summer. I fell in love with the profession, not the lady I was shadowing.

So excited about the possibilities.

Wordless Wednesday