I feel a little weird tonight; numb almost.
This evening, I saw the guy who abused me when I was younger. I saw him, he spoke to me, and I weakly smiled. I never know how to feel when I see him, which thankfully isn't often. He has never brought it up, I wonder if he even remembers.
Sometimes, I feel numb about it, and I question myself about whether or not it happened at all. But seriously, why would my mind make up an evil trick like that? Of course he abused me. He forced to me look at him, twice. I didn't want to. I didn't want any of it. I guess I just feel numb about it, even after so many years because whenever I see him he acts totally cool around me.
I hate him.
I understand and it sucks horribly. Looking that pig in the eye is one of the hardest things to do. Don't be afraid of him. He's not going to hurt you again.
ReplyDeleteThose people- they feed on power and fear. It's not in your head, it's a true memory. Our minds try to trick us into thinking... maybe it didn't happen, or maybe it was a dream... it's to protect us. Abuse, no matter what exactly happened, is damaging in all forms.