Let's get drunk and be somebody

Here's a sure as fire way to piss off your student nurse:

Drive a vehicle while under the influence of not 1, but 3 brain-altering substances: barbituates, benzodiazepines, and marijuana, with other passengers in the car. Hit a snowbank, and knock yourself unconscious. (At least you wore your seltbelt?) Then, complain to your family member on the phone that you don't understand why the doctor is making you stay in the hospital because there's nothing wrong with you.

Seriously, people?

Riding the nutcase rollercoaster

I have been riding the nutcase rollercoaster for a few weeks. I noticed a few weeks ago that I was starting to feel a little "off", though I couldn't put my finger on it. I thought maybe it was just stress from wedding planning, which isn't all that stressful anymore, or maybe the semester getting to me.

Then something weird happened to me at work. Come to find out, it was a severe panic attack. Last week my mental stability went way downhill. Wednesday night I had a panic attack. On Thursday I cried to my mom for an hour and a half about how I wanted nothing more than to cut my wrists to release all the anxiety and tension I felt inside. I made an appointment with my doctor first thing on Friday so that I didn't end up doing something rash.

As soon as I told my doctor what had been going on, he looked and me and smiled and say, "You need more vitamin L!" (L as in Lexapro-my antidepressant).

He ended up doubling my dose to get me through the semester, and gave me a prescription for a benzodiazepine in case I feel a severe panic attack coming on.

I am glad to say that I am feeling much, much better already. The medication boost was just what my screwed up brain needed

Hello, world. It's nice to see you again.

Say what?

Quote of the day:

(while in Medsurg lecture)

Professor: "Another word for chewing is mastication, which has nothing to do with... well, you know."

Awkward.

Danish dude

So of course after I decide to go dormant, something funny happens at clinical.

Today one of my fellow nursing student friends had a teenage patient that fell off a building. He had a partial lobotomy, and between that and the 40 foot fall, he is left for lack of a better term, mentally retarded. Miraculously, he can walk and talk, just very, very, very slowly. He's such a sweet dude.

Because we are on the neurology floor, it is imperative that we assess our patient's mental status, including their memory. Usually at the beginning of our shift, we tell the patient our name and ask them to remember it cause we will ask them later. My friend asked her patient if he could remember her name, and he says, "A very lovely lady". (now you have to say it in your head very, very slowly for it to be as funny.)

Later she said to her patient, "Let's get cleaned up a little bit. Is that okay with you?" He looks at her and says very seriously, "Will you share a danish with me?"

Gangsta

Just because your patient is black and wearing his hat sideways doesn't mean your 60 year old professor should say to him, "What up, brotha? Bye, homie!"

Awkward.

Dormant

Text message I just sent my fiance: "You are my rock. You make me feel strong when I'm  not."

Bloggy friends... I am going idle.

This semester is taking it's toll on me. I feel down, I have had 2 panic attacks this month, one that was very severe. The last one was last night, and thankfully I was safe and sound in my fiance's arms. I need the rest of the semester to focus only on making it until May; then I will hopefully be more stable. This semester is so hard that I think it might break me. I hate every class, and almost every professor. I dread school anymore, and its making me sick and sad.

I'm not saying that I won't write, because I am certain there will be some stories I want to write down for me to remember and read later. I am just trying to take some pressure off myself by going dormant. Almost every day I open a blank post, only to get frustrated and close out of it.

If you don't mind, say a little tiny prayer for me. I greatly appreciate it.

It's only 2 pm and my day has already been eventful. Today I learned...

...that seeing your fiance's boss while working out at the gym is awkward.
...that butt sweat is really, really, really gross.
...that seeing someone's butt sweat through their clothes is even grosser.
...that some lady lived with gorillas and made a study out of it.
...that I am marrying into a family of crazies.
...that my car is literally falling apart. The rearview mirror fell off last week, and today the fabric panel on the side fell off. What the freak?
...that people look at your funny if your socks don't match.
...that forgetting to take your happy pill is not a good thing.
...that the lady who lived with gorillas has nothing to do with my Theory, Reason and Research in Nursing class.
...that my cat likes chocolate pudding.
...that 3 hour classes make me go braindead.
...that I am pretty sure Military Mary is indeed, trying to ruin my life.

My theory professor is a loon.

Every class she comes in wearing a big huge rainbow button pinned to her shirt that says, "EVIDENCE IMPROVES OUTCOMES!!!"

She also excitedly screams, "Show me the data!" atleast once each class.

Today she talked about some lady who lives with gorillas and did a study about them. What does that have to do with nursing?

Will this semester ever be over?

So what.

So what...

if I stay up late and oversleep
if I wear my pajamas for 2 days straight
if I take an antidepressant
if my best friend is bisexual, my aunt is a lesbian, and my cousin is gay
if I want to make my own washclothes from old clothes
if I have a love/hate relationshup with nursing school
if I lose my keys all the time
if I don't think gay people should burn in hell like other "Christians"
if I'm frugal
if I forget to charge my cell phone battery
if I forget my penlight for clinical
if I sometimes can't stand my friends
if I accidently wash an inkpen with my clothes
if I've never been "Daddy's little girl"
if I don't believe everything everyone else does
if I want to get married at 21
if I wear white or orange and it's "not my color"
if I use cloth pads instead of disposables
if my fiance's family is a lot little big crazy
if I wish my parents would just get a divorce already
if my sisters aren't my biological sisters
if I'm not racist
if I hate the dentist

I thought that what mattered in life is that at the end of the day, you are a good person; not dumb little things.

Baking day

So I made chocolate covered oreos. The lollipop thing kind of went okay. I think I like them better without the stick; maybe its just because I had a difficult time finding a stick to work. Anyways, they turned out pretty cute.

All you do is melt some chocolate with a little bit of Crisco and dip the oreos in. Tap off excess chocolate, and place the dipped oreo on wax paper to harden. If you want you can put them in the refridgerator to harden faster. Decorate them while they are still wet. I wrapped mine in mini cellophane bags and tied a little ribbon around them after.

Excuse my crappy pictures. My mom dropped my nice camera in the sand I cannot use a point and shoot camera to save my soul.

I also made spiced nuts. I didn't take pictures of them because nuts are pretty boring to look at, but the recipie is super quick and easy, and they are AMAZING. I got the recipie from here. My fiance loves nuts to I decided to make him homemade spiced nuts, and I am really happy and excited to see if he likes them, which he should cause I love them. The recipie is:

3 C whole almonds or pecans

1 C sugar
1 egg white
1/2 tsp salt
1 Tbsp water
2 tsp cinnamon
Preheat oven to 250 degrees. Lightly grease a a cookie sheet or jellyroll pan. Lightly beat egg white; add water and beat until frothy, but not stiff. Add nuts and stir until well coated. Mix sugar, salt and cinnamon together and sprinkle over nuts and toss to coat. Spread nuts on pan and bake for 1 hour stirring occasionally (I stirred them every 15 minutes. It works great if you set your oven timer every 15 minutes.)

Love it

Valentine's Day

I am one of those freaks who really get into Valentine's Day. To me, it's not just about showing love to your signifigant other, but everyone. I have always loved Valentine's Day, even when I was single. One year, I even bought myself flowers, just because I really wanted some.

This year I am making these for my fiance and the other people I love:

Chocolate dipped oreos!

If they turn out well, I'll upload pictures.

I want...

...an heirloom locket for Christmas
...someone to write my theory paper for me
...to go to Ikea
...to lose 30 lbs before the wedding
...for the snow to disappear
...to feel like myself

I

i am: tired of snow and not looking forward to work tomorrow.


i think: about things that don't matter.

i know: that all things work for good.

i want: Medsurg 3 to be over.

i have: cellulitis in my boob. Thanks nipple pincher fiance of mine.

i wish: that it was October.

i hate: discrimation.

i miss: my mom.

i fear: ...

i feel:
i hear: my dad snoring.

i smell: the winter air.

i crave: a hug from my fiance.

i search: for my keys. Every morning.

i wonder: if I will survive this semester.

i regret: few things, they have all shaped me.

i ache: to have a home.

i care: for people.

i always: lose my keys. And everything else.

i am not: going to let Military Mary get under my skin... too much anyway.

i believe: in God.

i dance: with my sister.

i cry: when I forget to take my happy pill.

i don’t: want to go to work tomorrow.

i fight: to be sucessful.

i write: less and less all the time.

i never: thought I would give up my dreams; I still haven't.

i stole: my fiance's heart :)

i listen: to God's voice.

i need: motivation to make it through til May.

i am happy about: knowing that all difficult things come to an end.

Freewrite

My grandma used to make snow icecream with the 2nd snow (never the 1st), so tonight I made some. She used to make hers with  milk and chocolate syrup. Mine included powdered sugar, milk, cocoa, and peanut butter, and of course, snow. It was amazing. My mom called me by my fiance's last night today. It made me smile; my first name rhymes with my soon-to-be last name. My best friend makes fun of me. I love it. Sometimes I dream of dropping out of nursing school. I've almost made it though. Less than a year and a half. It's like survival of the fittest. Out of 40 something that got in freshman year, there are 7 of us left. I've worked my ass off. I am tired of working my ass off. I think my medication needs to be increased. I think the game Dutch Blitz is so fun. We've been playing it for years, and my brother's girlfriend is addicted. She's so darling. I just love her. My friend's are pissed because I chose her to be in my wedding instead of them. I secretly love her way more than them. I'd never tell them that. Blog-stalking craft blogs is so fun. I want to be a crafty-mama one day. I repurposed a shirt today. Too bad my brother's girlfriend already claimed it. She just looked too cute in it. This time last year my momma and I were quilting every weekend. The only one that got finished was the one she didn't help me with. I gave it to my other sister for her birthday. She never uses it. During this snowstorm, I've been dreaming of getting snowed in with my fiance at our cabin. It would be so fun. We would get out his aunt's tractor and plow the snow. I'd go in and make homemade soup and hot cocoa, and we would cuddle up together and enjoy the day together.

The end.

Complaining, as usual

There is currently 3 feet of snow outside. I am snowed in with my parents who want a divorce, my cranky 19 year old brother that doesn't take off his wet boots when he comes inside, and the nephewpup who ate my toasted coconut for the cookies I was going to make today. My fiance is snowed in... 6 miles away. There's only decaf coffee here. And, i think I have cellulitis in my boob.

Don't you wish you were me?

More el lame-o reasons for not blogging:

-I can't think of anything to say
-I had to take an exam on this fine snow day
-My parents want a divorce
-I can't find my favorite pajamas

-I am snowed in at my parent's

-Sewing

-Baking

-No homework to complain about

-The dog tried to eat my wedding garter. Managed to eat my mom's ice cream, tampons, a football, my hand, my sister's Nerds, my ice cream, and a pillow. Today.

-Danny Gokey. Or whatever his name is.

El lamo

My lame excuses for not blogging:

-Military Mary
-Snow
-Wedding planning
-My nipple is bleeding, thanks to my fiance
-My car is out of gas
-I have an exam today
-The dog ate my homework... and my mom's shoes, and the toilet paper, and my grandmother's homemade bread, and a football, my bra, my coffee cup holder thing. Oh, and more of the couch.

Woody care

Tamra, at Surprisingly Sane has been talking about penises. So, naturally I've been thinking about... well, penises, and it made me decide to share a story.

When I was 15, I did a CNA program through my highschool. I started working at my local hospital as a CNA on the cancer unit. Some of the nurses on the unit used to call it "Heaven's Waiting Room" because most of the patients were there to die.

Anyway, this one middle-aged male was dying from some sort of cancer (that's irrelevant anyway). I was doing my bathing rounds, and I got to his room, got my supplies, and started a bed bath for him. He was barely conscious when I went in the room. I cleaned him up, all except for his catheter, and as I start to clean his catheter, he roused from the land of unconsciousness, and says to me, "You're real good at that!" Now me being, well, me, turned six shades of red, not that he could really tell anyway, cause he was dying, or supposed to be. The nurse in the room that was giving him his medications started laughing. I quickly finished cleaning his catheter, as he began telling the nurse about how I had "the perfect touch". I had the perfect touch alright; my "perfect touch" gave this strange man a woody!

I was took the brunt of the jokes that week. The nurses would tease me about doing, "woody care" on my patients instead of "catheter care".

As if this wasn't embarassing enough with me being 15, giving my patient a woody, etc, I saw the patient the next week leaving the hospital. Before I realized what tumbled out of my mouth, I said, "I thought you were supposed to be dead!" He just smiled. The nurses say I "healed" him.

I think he's still alive today.

My love/hate relationship

I have a love/hate relationship with life right now.

Love: Getting married
Hate: Wedding planning

Love: Nursing school
Hate: Studying

Love: Helpful & assertive professors
Hate: Military Mary

Love: Sleeping in
Hate: Waking up 5 minutes before class starts

Love: Wearing contacts
Hate: Nephewpup ate my glasses

Love: The hospital
Hate: Being a patient

Love: Technology
Hate: The red patches my heart monitor leaves on me. It seriously looks like an octopus has been making out with my ribcage and/or upper boob

Love: Patients
Hate: Poop & IVs

I. Don't. Like. Military. Mary.