Blogging my frustrations

I am doing my best to stay positive, but...

This semester really sucks. My classes are demanding, they are early in the morning (and by early, I mean my Friday class starts at 6:30 am), and my professors, for the most part, are unruly. 2 out of  the 4 have aweful, self-centered attitudes. I feel as if they don't care about what they teach, but just want to beat the respect out of students and prove something to us. It's really irritating, and I feel like in our 3 years of nursing school, we deserve to be treated as if we know a least a little bit.

I started working midnight shift at work on the weekends, and it's totally got my sleep/wake schedule all mixed up. I work midnights on Friday and Saturday, sleep on Sunday, and have to be at work at 6 am on Monday. It really sucks.

I think I am just a little crazy for trying to plan an out-of-state wedding in less than a year, while in nursing school. Enough said.

This past Monday, the strangest thing happened to me. I went to work at 6 am, was doing fine until later in the morning. All of a sudden I started feeling very hot, which is really strange for me because it's always cold at work and I am never hot. Then, I started sweating profusely and getting very irritated and anxious. I could feel my heart racing and I just didn't feel right in my head, if that makes any sense. I walked to my boss' office and told her I wasn't feeling right; she told me to sit down and tell her what was going on. I remember that my knees started to shake uncontrollably and I was kind of scared, but that's really all I remember until I was on my way to the emergency room. My boss told me and the medical staff later that my whole body had begun to convulse and I passed out. I got an EKG to rule out an arrhythmia, a chest x-ray to rule out a blood clot, an EEG to rule out a seizure, and a brain CT to rule out a seizure. I have to wear an atrial fibrillation monitor for a month to see if there is an arrythmia going on that wasn't caught on the EKG. My neurologist said it could have been a severe panic attack, a non-epileptic seizure from stress, or an arrythmia (irregular heart beat). Whatever it was, it was scary, and I never want to go through it again. I have a feeling it was probably a panic attack, although I wasn't feeling anxious or stressed about anything in particular the day I passed out. I have been feeling a little less "strong" lately, and have been thinking that maybe my medication needs to be increased. The dumb thing is that I just saw my MD for the wormzzz (which are finally gone, by the way. Uh, gross.) and he asked how to was doing on my SSRI and if I needed a dosage change. I told him I was fine. I am a stupid, stupid girl. I am just embarrassed to admit, even to my doctor, that I take an SSRI to decrease my anxiety. I know it's ridiculous and I should have been open about not feeling as stable lately. I irritate even my own self.