The reason behind my zits

I never get zits.

I currently have 3. Let's just say this weekend has pretty much done me in.

I an pretty sure I didn't blog about it then, as I wasn't blogging as often as I do now, but a about this time last year, my cousin had an affair. She cheated on her husband of 4 years with some dude she met on the internet. I caught her naked in my aunt and uncle's bedroom, on webcam with him. They met up at a hotel and did the deed a few weeks later. Since then, she has gotten divorced, left the dude she cheated with, and hooked up and is living with another guy who lives a few hours away. She seems happy, and I am happy for her. She deserves a fresh start in her life. I was with my grandmother this weekend and she informs me that my cousin is pregnant by the guy she is living with. I know this is life-altering for everyone who has ever been in that situation, but for her, I know it's going to be hell. My aunt and uncle and all of the people they associate with are super conservative Christian we-don't-associate-with-anything-ungodly holier than though kind of people. My heart goes out to her. She hasn't told them yet.

That wasn't too bad though.

Yesterday was my fiance's family's big Thanksgiving get-together. One of his uncles was missing for a few hours after an arguement with his wife. Everyone could tell there was some unspoken tension going on the whole time, but it came to a head when my fiance's aunt and her son left to go see if they could find his uncle. My fiance's uncle committed suicide, and his aunt found him in the garage, already dead. My fiance was one of the first to arrive, and had no clue what was going on until his aunt broke down. I ended up watching my fiance's cousins; 3 beautiful little granddaughters of the man who killed himself. They were his only grandkids and they adored him. It was chaos; I don't think my fiance and I finally fell in bed until 2 am.

I don't understand people's reactions sometimes. Everyone talks, "oh, I don't know how he could have done that, how selfish, blah blah blah". I am not saying suicide is okay, at all. I am just saying that I can identify with what he felt at the moment he decided to commit suicide. When you want to die, it doesn't feel selfish. I remember feeling like if I wasn't alive, people would be relieved because they wouldn't have to worry about me, and I would be out of their way. I felt like I was a bother to everyone, and I was in so much pain that it hurt from the inside out. Like a huge ache that takes your breath away, and dying would just feel so good. (Don't take this wrong, I am not suicidal in the least, I just remember feeling this very vividly, as it is part of my past and has made me who I am today). I feel super bad for my fiance's family (who I love as my very own). There's really no preparation for this kind of tragedy.

(Please don't take any of ^that^ as complaining. There's no where else in the world I would rather be than with my fiance's family during this time.)

Today has been a vast improvement from yesterday, though. I've spent the last 3 hours cleaning up my dad's vomit. Flossing puke chunks out of the cracks in the toilet is really theraputic, and I'm proud to say the toilet is now so clean you could eat of it (if you dare).

Because of this disastrous weekend, I am hours behind in my studying for a big exam on Tuesday, as well as my presentation tomorrow. I am utterly thrilled about the possibility of pulling an all nighter tomorrow night.

So there, my friends, is the reason behind my zits.